I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
