Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
