She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
