I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
