At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
