Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
