Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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