Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish my penis had an off switch
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
