I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
