It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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