she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
