I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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