Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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