No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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