oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
