there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
