i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
