areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
