I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
