Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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