My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He passed out mid-signature
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize