you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
