pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
