You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
