shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he shaved USA in his pubs
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we're making bets on your personal life
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
