my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
