all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
