Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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