I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
