Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
