dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
