she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
