Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
