Soap is not a condiment
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize
