Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
