arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
