And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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