Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
