Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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