speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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