My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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