I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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