Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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