if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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