i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
