I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
