So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
