Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
