I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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