A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
